The importance of reaching out for support

Featured

By Anita Manley

 

I remember being in such a dark place that I wanted nothing more than the pain to end. In my distorted mind, I thought the only way out was suicide.  Fortunately, I made it through those terrifying days, continuing to live — and am I ever thankful that I did!  I also remember feeling as though I was a burden to everyone, since I was so depressed and couldn’t contribute.  Hell, I couldn’t even get out of bed to have a shower.  My family insisted that I was not a burden, that they loved me dearly and that “this too shall pass” — and they were right — the dark rain cloud did pass, and sunny days reigned again.

You are worth it! Every human being on this earth has value and contributes in their own unique way to the universe. You are not a burden (even when you are struggling the most). You are lovable and you deserve the best. You do!  Believe it.

Lately, I have heard of so many of my friends battling with feelings of self-worth. Depression. Anxiety. And, some with suicidal ideation — wanting to end their life as feelings of shame and desperation take over.

Please — in times like these — reach out for help.

Fortunately,  in all cases, my friends have come through this by seeking support from others.  One drove herself to the emergency department. Is she ever glad she did!  Today she is living a much better life after receiving life-changing trauma therapy. She is so much happier now, has greater self-esteem — and celebrates each day, each week since the day she chose not to take her life. (For inspiration follow: The Maven of Mayhem on Facebook, @maven_of_mayhem on Instagram, and @MavenOfMayhem on Twitter).

Another friend reached out to family for encouragement, and to medical professionals to request a change in medication. Yet another, asked her support network to get together socially (at a distance), reaching out for basic needs and for medical requirements.

How can we be that supportive person…  to our loved ones in need?

According to Ann-Marie O’Brien, Lead of Women’s Mental Health at The Royal (@StrongGirl51 on Twitter):

“It begins by asking, ‘How can I help?’ The person seeking help is the one who gets to define what help is.”

Recently, I have reached out to medical professionals — for my own help. When my family doctor suggested anxiety medication, as she heard so much anguish, pain and anxiety in my voice: I replied persistently, “No… I just need to talk to someone about it.” I am not against medication — I take it every day to help me stay well — but I know that I do not need more at the moment.  Then, when speaking with my psychiatrist, she offered an increase in anti-psychotic medication. I repeated firmly, “No… I just need some psychotherapy. Can you please refer me to a psychologist?”  Fortunately for me, I was refered to a psychologist for psychotherapy after advocating for myself clearly and persistently. The person seeking help is the one who gets to define what help is.

Don’t be afraid to reach out to loved ones, friends, or professionals for help when you need it. You are worth it! Repeat this to yourself : “I am worth it. Life will get better. I will not be in this dark place forever.” Advocate for yourself.  If at first you do not get what you need, repeat your needs calmly and persistently over and over again, until you get what you are looking for.

Choose life! Reach out for support. You are worth it!

Crisis Services Canada 1-833-456-4566 or text 45645

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (USA) 1-800-273-8255

photo-of-people-s-hands-4672710

Reach out for support. You’ll be glad you did.

 

 

Guest Blog – Gardening during a pandemic – by Dani Manley

Featured

Note by Anita Manley:  I thought that my next blog should be about the mental health benefits of gardening.  I am well aware of how healing it is to nurture, water, feed and care for my own indoor and outdoor potted plants. It makes me feel so good to see my plants grow, bloom, and to harvest tomatoes and fresh herbs to make delicious and nutritious recipes. But then I realized there would be no one better than my nephew’s wife, Dani — an accomplished gardener, nurse and Mom — to contribute to this topic.

Hi – my name is Danielle (Dani) Manley, and I am married to Anita’s nephew, Joey Manley. I am a Registered Nurse and mom to a very active two and a half year old and an affectionately described ‘COVID’ baby (3 months old). I am passionate about gardening and come from two sides of farmers – so you could say gardening is in my blood but really it was in my nurture. I started to involve my son in gardening when he was born and now my daughter. It was and still is important to me to have gardening in my life to give me meaning and pride and encourage me to be outdoors but it is also important to me to instill food knowledge with my children. There is something very special to me about watching my son walk to the garden and eat the raspberries off the cane, with his general increase in healthy food knowledge or listening to him name the weigela or delphinium and watching him stopping to smell the roses, literally. Aside from my children, my husband has become a gardener as well and told me he finds watering and weeding very relaxing and gratifying, a far stretch from the big city life (without gardening) he once lived.

All that said, in no way do I profess to be an expert gardener but I do enjoy learning more about gardening every single day. Though I’ve been gardening for some time I have only recently recognized the mental health benefits of gardening on this global scale. You can follow my son, Jack and I: @jacksplants on Instagram.

Dani and Jack

Here I am with my son, Jack, pointing out new growth.  He’s an enthusiastic student.

It shouldn’t come as a surprise that in a time of unknowns, isolation and for many, fear— a large portion of the population have turned to gardening.  Have you ever wondered why this is?

In earlier war times, the concept of “victory gardening” became well known as a patriotic way to support troops and increase food supply.  Currently, during this pandemic, you hear of many people taking up gardening. Why are we still drawn to gardening in the present day? I would argue that it is for the mental health benefits.

Gardening provides work with evident and gratifying gains, both physically and mentally. It prescribes a required routine that can give someone purpose. It often involves networking to answer questions, or to share experiences that gardeners of varying levels may provide, thus the increased following of gardening communities on social media. Since most gardening done leisurely is accomplished outdoors, this promotes more time spent in the elements away from the distractions of digital media, immersed in fresh air and sunlight. For those who grow food, it comes with the additional advantage of knowing where your food comes from, which logically influences a person’s healthy eating choices. The combination of all of these things in themselves speak to the mental wellness benefits that gardening promotes.

I’d like to end with this quote from 1945, reminding us that though the world has radically changed since then, the roots of mental wellness and its often connected activities— like gardening—are still a relevant reminder today to slow down:

 “Of all the by-products of the war there is little doubt that the victory garden is one of the most valuable. All true gardeners know the relaxation and peace of mind that contact with the soil brings. It is the best of all antidotes to the mental poisons of nervous strain in modern life. Doing real things with one’s hands, watching the wonderful thrust of nature’s will to live, is a source of deep satisfaction.” —editorial, the Globe and Mail, January 30, 1945

 

References

 

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6334070/

 

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2211335516301401

 

https://www.tvo.org/article/forget-the-golf-stick-and-use-the-hoe-why-ontarians-embraced-gardening-during-wwii?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIy8bB0qPS6gIVB6SzCh0EBgV6EAAYASAAEgI34_D_BwE

5C9EE6A0-3C8C-40F9-8BB5-52CE46F61CAE

A current photo of my son Jack’s Veggie Patch.

Decluttering for peace of mind.

Featured

By Anita Manley

 

During the first few weeks of COVID-19, while cooped up in our small one-bedroom apartment, it was clear we had one BIG problem. CLUTTER. Clutter had accumulated EVERYWHERE. On my desk in the bedroom, on the coffee table in the living room (my second desk!), the dining room table, and due to being home all day: a multitude of dirty dishes, piled high, in the kitchen. All this disorganization and messiness was really getting me down.

I talked to my daughter, Nicola, on the phone and she was doing some great decluttering herself… thus inspired, I started with my desk and committed to it by telling Nicola I was going to attempt to clear it off by our next call (in a week’s time). So! Mission accomplished: papers thrown out or filed, books were put onto a bookshelf or given away and I even got rid of an orchid, whose bare branches were not bringing me joy. It felt great… Marie Kondo would’ve been proud of me. I know Nicola was, when I showed her the results on our next video chat.

Then, I moved onto my “other desk” in the living room. Same thing — voila! Then into my closets — I emptied all of the clothes I never wear and piled them for donation; winter clothes were stored away downstairs and underwear/ sock drawer was cleared out into bins, making room for more clothing. I was on a roll — but still: nothing was getting me down more, than the thought of that endless trail of dirty dishes awaiting… in the kitchen.

Perhaps anyone living/ working from home during COVID without a dishwasher can relate.  Cooking and eating every meal at home adds up to a lot of dishes in a day. One skipped day of doing the dishes can set you behind and be super depressing. Envision attempting to prepare a meal with a small counter and dirty dishes encroaching on all surfaces, leaving no room for preparation. I was feeling super frustrated and was recounting this story to my friend on a walk through a lush forest in her neighbourhood one sunny morning. The ‘dreaded dishes’ dilemma. She so very kindly texted me the next day and asked what my plans were for dinner.  I replied: nothing that couldn’t be changed.  She said OK, do up your dishes and I am going to deliver your next meal.  A few hours later, there was a beautiful casserole, salad and berry crisp for dessert — ready to eat. My husband and I felt so indebted to her for making this kindly gesture that we also resolved to keep up with the dishes ever since.

I can honestly say that the lack of clutter throughout our home has reduced my anxiety and feelings of depression. I also feel I am sleeping better at night.

Therefore, it was no surprise to me when I recently picked up the book, The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, to see that in her very first chapter she listed “toss, restore, organize” as goals towards “Boosting Energy” and creating a happier life. Or, that Sue-Anne Hickey of Bodytypology listed “decluttering and creating a relaxing atmosphere” as a way to prevent insomnia.

Whether you decide to read Marie Kondo’s book, The Life- Changing Magic of Tidying Up, or not: I know you will benefit from decluttering your living space.

Give it a try — one room at a time — for better peace of mind.

apartment-architecture-art-books-276724

Now, doesn’t this image of a tidy apartment (not my own) bring inner peace?