The importance of reaching out for support

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By Anita Manley

 

I remember being in such a dark place that I wanted nothing more than the pain to end. In my distorted mind, I thought the only way out was suicide.  Fortunately, I made it through those terrifying days, continuing to live — and am I ever thankful that I did!  I also remember feeling as though I was a burden to everyone, since I was so depressed and couldn’t contribute.  Hell, I couldn’t even get out of bed to have a shower.  My family insisted that I was not a burden, that they loved me dearly and that “this too shall pass” — and they were right — the dark rain cloud did pass, and sunny days reigned again.

You are worth it! Every human being on this earth has value and contributes in their own unique way to the universe. You are not a burden (even when you are struggling the most). You are lovable and you deserve the best. You do!  Believe it.

Lately, I have heard of so many of my friends battling with feelings of self-worth. Depression. Anxiety. And, some with suicidal ideation — wanting to end their life as feelings of shame and desperation take over.

Please — in times like these — reach out for help.

Fortunately,  in all cases, my friends have come through this by seeking support from others.  One drove herself to the emergency department. Is she ever glad she did!  Today she is living a much better life after receiving life-changing trauma therapy. She is so much happier now, has greater self-esteem — and celebrates each day, each week since the day she chose not to take her life. (For inspiration follow: The Maven of Mayhem on Facebook, @maven_of_mayhem on Instagram, and @MavenOfMayhem on Twitter).

Another friend reached out to family for encouragement, and to medical professionals to request a change in medication. Yet another, asked her support network to get together socially (at a distance), reaching out for basic needs and for medical requirements.

How can we be that supportive person…  to our loved ones in need?

According to Ann-Marie O’Brien, Lead of Women’s Mental Health at The Royal (@StrongGirl51 on Twitter):

“It begins by asking, ‘How can I help?’ The person seeking help is the one who gets to define what help is.”

Recently, I have reached out to medical professionals — for my own help. When my family doctor suggested anxiety medication, as she heard so much anguish, pain and anxiety in my voice: I replied persistently, “No… I just need to talk to someone about it.” I am not against medication — I take it every day to help me stay well — but I know that I do not need more at the moment.  Then, when speaking with my psychiatrist, she offered an increase in anti-psychotic medication. I repeated firmly, “No… I just need some psychotherapy. Can you please refer me to a psychologist?”  Fortunately for me, I was refered to a psychologist for psychotherapy after advocating for myself clearly and persistently. The person seeking help is the one who gets to define what help is.

Don’t be afraid to reach out to loved ones, friends, or professionals for help when you need it. You are worth it! Repeat this to yourself : “I am worth it. Life will get better. I will not be in this dark place forever.” Advocate for yourself.  If at first you do not get what you need, repeat your needs calmly and persistently over and over again, until you get what you are looking for.

Choose life! Reach out for support. You are worth it!

Crisis Services Canada 1-833-456-4566 or text 45645

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (USA) 1-800-273-8255

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Reach out for support. You’ll be glad you did.

 

 

Communication during COVID-19

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By Anita Manley

I am married to a wonderful man, who happens to be over the age of 70, putting him at a higher risk of not recovering if he were to get COVID-19. Therefore, we have been self-isolating (me too, since we share a small one bedroom apartment together, so: no way to separate us if one were ill). We order groceries online, have wonderful neighbours, family and friends who help us pick up and deliver whatever we do not receive through online orders and we only go out for walks later at night when hardly anyone is around. We take precautions in our building, for example, only the two of us on the elevator, using half a Q-tip to push buttons, or our elbow to push street crossing buttons while out walking. Needless to say, we have no visitors, not even family over the Easter holidays. Like it was for many, Easter was different this year, but we made the best of it, having a nice candle-lit dinner for two on Sunday night.

So, how have we been communicating with others during this challenging time? Firstly, the best silver lining to all of this, is my renewed communication with my oldest daughter, Nicola, who lives on Vancouver Island. We had been estranged for over 10 years due to my mental illness, until Ron and I attended her wedding in the fall of 2018. Since I have been living in recovery for the past 8 years, we enjoyed a wonderful conversation on the phone this past New Year’s Eve. Unfortunately, she is off work due to this virus, but, she has more time and we talk on the phone or Facebook messenger video for about an hour, one day a week. In fact, last week, I was on video with both daughters, Nicola and Julia. It was the first time that we talked together in over 14 years – just the three of us. What a wonderful feeling! It warmed my heart.

In addition to using Facebook messenger video, we use FaceTime with other family members, and phone, text or email, often accompanied by photos. It is comforting to actually “see” a loved ones face rather than just hear their voice, but we make do with whatever works.

With both my knitting and work friends, we connect via Zoom, and with my public speaking group, Christopher Leadership Course, we use a professional Webex account. I am even starting up a Zoom peer support group, Journaling as a Wellness Tool, for women at the Ottawa Birth and Wellness Centre.

There really are so many different ways to keep up communication during the COVID pandemic. Last week, I called all of my neighbours to check in on them, see how they were coping. They all thanked me for calling, and very much appreciated my concern. Writing a letter to a loved one can help as well. Fortunately, everyone, including family, friends, co-workers and neighbours are all fine. They all are strictly following public health regulations. One of my neighbours has a daughter who is an ER doctor. I am always concerned for her safety and well-being, as is her mom. It is so hard for my neighbour not being able to see her daughter or her grandson. These are unprecedented times indeed. Our front line health care workers NEED us to stay home and follow public health rules.

During a time of crisis, it is so very important to stay connected with people. Be sure to keep communicating, whichever method works; just connect with people on a regular basis. You will feel better and your loved one will too! Increased communication helps with the loneliness you can feel from self-isolating and social distancing. Check in with family and friends, especially those who live alone or at higher risk. If you can, offer to help deliver groceries or other necessary items. Or just give them a regular check-in call.

Stay well! Stay 2 meters apart. Wash your hands. We’ve got this!

#stayhome

We are so fortunate to have so many different means of communicating in this day and age.