The road to happiness…

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By Anita Manley

Denmark was marked as second on the list of the world’s happiest countries in 2020 and has been in there for the past few years. Did you know that there is actually a Happiness Research Institute in Copenhagen? I didn’t! What an awesome thing to have.

The very first World Happiness Report came out April 1, 2012 and has since been released on an annual basis. In 2021, Canada faired pretty well, placing 15th.

Back to the Danes…Meik Wiking, the CEO of the Happiness Research Institute in Copenhagen says that Denmark is one of the happiest countries due to its practice of hygge (pronounced HOO-gah). “The Danes are exceptionally good at decoupling wealth and well-being,” he says. “We focus on the small things that really matter, including spending more quality time with friends and family and enjoying the good things in life.”

This article outlines all you need to know about the practice of hygge, the Denmark way! Have a read. I really enjoyed it.

I know that I feel so much better after a walk in nature with my family or friends. Also,I love curling up on the couch with a blanket and air-popped popcorn (with butter!) next to my husband to watch a movie.

Perhaps you can practice hygge yourself! Get out the cozy, woollen socks. Let me know how it goes!

Reading a book by candlelight is totally hyggelig. Give it a try! Perhaps you already do this? Let me know.

This too shall pass…

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By Anita Manley

How many times have you been in a really dark place, feeling like the pain will never end? Unbearable pain, unacceptable anguish, intolerable emotions. I’ve been there too! Although, with both age and experience on my side, I have learned that even the darkest days do come to an end, and brighter times are on the horizon. This too shall pass.

I want you to know, that if you are suffering and in pain, life is worth sticking around for. I almost ended it all when I was in my early 20s, but with my parents help, I began to see that life really was worth living. Despite the pain and anguish I was feeling, I got help. Am I ever glad I did. Through therapy and some practice, I eventually learned to love myself and began to see what I thought of as failures, as setbacks instead. Fast-forward to present, I have two wonderful daughters and a grand baby on the way! And, after many years of waiting, I’m in a solid mutually loving and respectful relationship with my partner, Ron. Imagine all I would have missed if I had actually ended my life on that fateful day in my 20th year.

If you are having thoughts of suicide, please reach out for help! You are worth it! In Canada call: 1-833-456-4566. In the US call: 1-800-273-8255.

I know I am so fortunate to be around today, living my best life. I laugh often (something I couldn’t even imagine during my darkest days), I have lots of good friends, and despite COVID, I manage to keep in touch with them via email, phone calls and video chats. During our most recent lockdown in Ottawa, Canada, my husband invented the term “talkie walkie” for the walks I take on my own, while talking to one of my friends on the phone (as they walk in their own neighbourhood). Apart, but together in spirit. My life is now full of connection and support. Something I did not have for years while I was homeless or in my early 20s.

This too shall pass, also applies to the reverse circumstances. When times are really good… you may be enjoying a perfect day: remember, this too shall pass, and savour the great moments in your life.

I wanted to write this post to remind everyone that life truly is worth living. The hard times will pass and like rainy days, the sun will eventually come out to shine again. I’ve been there, and I know that holding on and working through the pain was the best decision I made. H.old O.n P.ain E.nds. HOPE. There is always HOPE. Even if you do not feel hopeful, I’m holding onto that hope for you! My parents held onto HOPE for me during my darkest days and thank goodness they did.

Reach out for help and support when you need it. You’ll be glad you did. Your loved ones will be too! This too shall pass.

Naming Emotions

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By Anita Manley

Do you remember the last time you sobbed uncontrollably? How about when waiting for medical results and you felt incredibly anxious? Or the last time you laughed out loud? These are just a few examples of some emotions (sorrow, anxiety, or happiness) which are so important to be able to recognize. Being able to define your emotions is an important part of living.

Last week was Mental Health Week in Canada, and the Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA) came out with a campaign called “Name it, don’t numb it! #GetReal about how you feel.” I thought this was a very effective message for people to get in touch with their emotions. When we experience things like stress, grief or sadness, it is important to process these emotions and not supress them.

In the “Journaling as a Wellness Tool” group I co-founded, we have a week dedicated to expanding our emotional vocabulary. The intent in doing so, is that it is thought that the better able you are to describe the emotions you are feeling, the better equiped you will be at coping with these emotions.

There are some tips to manage our emotional wellness (by Elena Mikhaylova, PhD Psychology and Registered Psychotherapist):

  1. Trust yourself
  2. Listen to your emotions
  3. Reflect on your emotions: journaling can help!
  4. Explore what makes you happy and what doesn’t
  5. Learn to express your emotions in an appropriate way
  6. Differentiate yourself from material objects: a fancy car and big house don’t make us happy.
  7. Connect with a mental health professional: especially if emotions are painful or hard to deal with.

    Because of COVID-19, emotional well-being has decreased for a lot of people. Get in touch with your emotions today! How are you feeling? Name it. Write about it. Allow yourself to feel each emotion. Don’t numb it!

When was the last time you laughed out loud with a friend?

“Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff…”

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By Anita Manley

Hi folks, I’ve been absent for a few weeks now, trying to manage my anxiety around some important issues that are beyond my control. I don’t know about you, but I’m really not good at this. My Mom always told me: “don’t worry about things that you cannot control”. I think of her words regularly and really give it the good ol’ college try, but if I have to do this for too long, I fail miserably. Everyone’s perception of ‘too long’ varies. Mine is about a month. After a month, I start to think of what if, then what, etc.

I’ve had two pretty important issues ‘up in the air’ for over a month, one I’m still waiting on. So, I had to do something to manage my anxiety. I talked to my support people and then I decided to keep busy doing things I love to do, in order to keep my mind from wandering down a potentially negative path. I decided to do more knitting during free moments (I’m now working on a baby blanket and bunny for my new grandbaby, expected in July), journaling and painting (acrylic on canvas). All of these activities help me to stay in the present moment and while doing them, I feel as though I lose track of time. I would even say they are ‘meditative’. It worked! I’m not exactly an expert at “not worrying”, but I have mostly managed to overcome the beast.

So, I’m just going to continue doing what I’m doing, and let the cards fall as they may. Whatever happens, happens! I know that I can deal with the outcome. I’m so much better at coping with the known, than the unknown. I’m a work in progress. In the meantime, I’m creating some wonderful knitted objects and beautiful art, and greatly enjoying it.

I just read a Peanuts posting that said, very fittingly, “Worrying won’t stop the bad stuff from happening, it just stops you from enjoying the good.”

I will continue to do my very best ‘not to worry’ about things beyond my control. Besides, Mother knows best. At least I know my Mom always did!

How do you cope with things beyond your control?

Journaling, knitting and painting have helped me stay focused, quelled my fears… and give me HOPE.