By Anita Manley
I’ll be spending the day with family. Singing, jamming and eating. I am cooking a turkey, making stuffing, mashed potatoes and garlic buttery beans and cherry tomatoes with apple pie and ice cream for dessert. We have so much to be thankful for!
By Anita Manley
I have always needed a lot of sleep — more than my peers, it always seemed. When I was first diagnosed with a mental illness back in 1997 (at the age of 32), and was prescribed medication to take every day for the rest of my life, I asked my psychiatrist if I could drink alcohol while taking this medication. He said I could, as long as the alcohol did not interfere with my sleep. Then I asked, how much sleep should I get every night. His response was simply, “Enough sleep”. What does that mean? He said, “whatever is enough for you.”
Since that time, I have learned that enough sleep for me changes throughout the month. But I, for sure, need 9 hours minimum a night, and occasionally, more like 10 -13 hours. I know that the medication I take makes me sleep longer hours, but it is necessary to keep me well. When I do not take my medication, I can get by with 8 hours a night regularly, but then I am mentally unwell. Without medication, I experience frequent and persistent delusions.
Last week, I did not get what my psychiatrist would call enough sleep. I had a fun weekend listening to live music, however, I was out Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights, getting only between 6.5 – 7.5 hours of sleep each night. Then on Tuesday night, I only slept 4.5 hours. I had commitments later in the week, so I couldn’t even sleep in to make up for the lost hours. I found that I responded to events throughout the week much more emotionally than I would have if I had enough sleep. My emotional reactions were exaggerated. After one incident last week, my husband, whom I have been with for over 4 years, said he had never seen me so angry before. Also, I was doing more emotional eating than usual, and had no energy to do regular tasks like preparing healthy meals or cleaning up dishes. Nor was I going to the gym. Everything was done quickly, and for convenience — whatever didn’t take too much time. Then on Thursday, I felt the need to leave my volunteer job early, as I had become completely unraveled, feeling unwell.
Finally on Friday night, I was able to catch up on lost sleep. I slept for 13 hours,and that was after a 5 hour nap in the afternoon. Then I slept some more on Saturday night. I am now back to my usual self, ready to continue my regular routine. But did I ever pay a hefty price for not taking better care of myself last week! Making sleep a priority for me is a big part of my self-care. I think the last time I had felt that much sleep deprivation was when I had been living in my car during the winter, back in 2009. Let’s hope I have learned that lesson now, and plan my social activities accordingly. Sometimes it is difficult since my husband is a night owl; so I always have to remind myself that I cannot keep up with his late hours. A learning opportunity, for sure.
How much sleep is enough for you? Only you can evaluate the number of hours. Are you getting it?
By Anita Manley
Many years ago, I was in a training session with my colleagues at work and I was getting really frustrated as I thought I wasn’t picking up what was being taught as quickly as I thought I should. I was expressing some of my frustrations out loud and the trainer noted, “Wow, that’s a lot of negative self-talk going on in your head”. I had never thought about it before, but her statement really gave me pause. From that point on I tried really hard to change my negative thoughts to positive ones.
I have heard that negative thoughts and feelings travel through the brain more quickly than positive ones. So, it takes a lot of effort to change your thinking to positive ones.
My natural inner dialogue at the time was “I will never pick this up”, “This is too hard”, “I am not smart enough”. Little did I know that all this negative self-talk was causing more stress in my life. Something I really did not need as stress is a big trigger to my mental illness.
Soon, I started changing my thoughts to positive ones, beginning with my inner dialogue, or positive self-talk. I would say to myself, “today is going to be a good day”, “With lots of practice I will become great at this”, “I’ll give it another try” or “I’ll try to make it work”.
According to The Mayo Clinic, the health benefits of positive thinking are many:
It is unclear why people who engage in positive thinking experience these health benefits. One theory is that having a positive outlook enables you to cope better with stressful situations, which reduces the harmful health effects of stress on your body.
So, work hard at changing those negative thoughts to positive ones. Talk to yourself as though you were your own best friend. Praise yourself, give compliments, be kind to yourself. Your body and mind will benefit from it.
By Anita Manley
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz is a small but hugely insightful self-help book. This book provided me with four simple guidelines to personal freedom. Yes, they are simply laid out and very clear, but these four agreements have taken me years to put into action and will take many more years to master. It is a book you will want to have in your own home library, and read over and over again.
The Four Agreements (as outlined on the inner book jacket) are:
BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others.Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
DON’T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best , and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.
Not surprisingly, the agreement that helped me the most when I first read this book, was Always Do Your Best. I was gifted this book in 2005 by two different friends. One was for my 40th birthday. It was very timely as I was quite ill, experiencing delusions frequently throughout every day for years. I was also quite the perfectionist in my younger years, so I really struggled with many events that were happening in my life at that time, such as being laid off from work, and losing access to my daughter (my oldest daughter had decided to go live with her father full-time – a crushing blow to my self-esteem and feelings of self-worth). All of this was due to my illness, but I did not understand that at the time. The agreement, of always doing your best and that your best will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick, really resonated with me. I soon realized, I was always doing my best, but that changed from day to day. At times, my best was to simply get out of bed and get dressed. That was my best. On other days I could accomplish so much more. But as a result of this agreement, I did not beat myself up for those days when I really was unwell, and could barely function. I knew that I was truly doing my best and that my best changed depending on my wellness. I still remind myself of this even today, as delusions occasionally creep back into my reality. I could have many regrets about those lost years I experienced when I was homeless and estranged from everyone, but this book saved me from self-judgment and regret. As a result, I am a much happier person.
I am still working on all four agreements, practicing, re-reading and hopefully, one day before I leave this planet, I will have mastered them all.
Since launching this blog, several people have asked me “What made you decide to write a blog?”
For many years, I had been toying with the idea. I journal regularly, and the thought of writing a blog appealed to me. After all, I enjoyed writing. But, I had my doubts that anyone would be interested in what I had to say.
In 2013, my cousin, Michele, introduced me to her blog http://www.modmissy.com, which is all about design. I was inspired, but didn’t take action. Later in 2018, my knitting friend advertised her blog, http://www.DrGailBeck.com. Again, I thought, I should really do this.
But it wasn’t until I met the amazingly vivacious and talented Onika Dainty (one of my fellow FACES for Mental Illness with the Canadian Alliance on Mental Illness and Mental Health (CAMIMH) sponsored by Bell Let’s Talk) that I finally took the plunge. I was so inspired by Onika’s ambition to broadcast a weekly podcast about mental health and wellness http://www.daintydysh.com that I immediately set the goal of publishing a blog about mental health.
My good friend, Marian Gaucher http://www.MarianGaucherFineArt.com challenged me to set a date for publishing and also frequency. So I decided on Mondays, once a week.
Since its recent launch in August, I have been cheered on by my many friends and readers. I have discovered that I love blogging. It helps me while helping others, at the same time.
The courageous Susan Blain, Sory Teller, Inspiration Seeker, Change Whisperer http://www.susanblain.com inspired me to write this post.
Also, kudos to my fellow knitting friend, Juliet Haynes, for inspiring me to create healthy daily habits that help me to achieve my goal of publishing this blog weekly.
It takes a village. And it is not lost on me that all people mentioned in this blog are other women. We raise each other up!
As mentioned in my first post – it is so important to find something to be grateful for in every experience. However, it is not always easy to do this!
Last Saturday, I drove to the store to pick up two bunches of flowers. One for a very good friend who is recovering from pneumonia, and the other as a hostess gift for a summer party we were to attend that evening. I also wanted to pick up a replacement bottle of wine to return to our dear friend and neighbour, who so generously saved us on Friday by loaning us a chilled bottle of white to attend a potluck and bocce game at another friends’ home. My husband, Ron, had been running late and we didn’t have time to stop for wine – so the loan was timely and very much appreciated.
I parked our car in the parking lot of the grocery and liquor stores, noting to myself what another beautiful warm, sunny day we’re having. I ran into these stores to pick up three items, and returned to the car – less than 15 minutes later, only to find not one – but three large and disgusting splats of bird poop on the car! Two on the windshield and one huge one on the driver’s side window.
For an instant, I was furious. Then, I thought, ho-lee – isn’t this supposed to be lucky?
I arrive home with goods in hand, place the flowers in a vase of water then I Google it:
“Bird poop brings good luck! There is a belief that if a bird poops on you, your car, or your property, you may receive good luck and riches. The more birds involved, the richer you’ll be! So next time a bird poops on you, remember that it’s a good thing.“
I’m thinking 3 poops = 3 birds (I’m an optimist) = lots of good luck! Perhaps a lifetime or at least 3 months!
I relate the story to Ron, who laughs heartily (he doesn’t believe in old wives’ tales) but immediately offers to clean the poop off the windows. Now that is good luck!
While driving to my friend’s house with flowers in hand, Ron ponders the question “I wonder how long the statute of limitations is on bird poop?”
I have so many things to be grateful for in this situation:
Written by Anita Manley
I wouldn’t be where I am today – living a life in recovery from a severe and persistent mental illness – if I did not choose to take action for my own good, every day.
Self-care is meant to restore your energy and to make you the best version of yourself. It is so important to take at least half an hour every single day to do something good for yourself – to add fuel to your fire.
There are many forms of self-care and it is imperative that you opt for something that you love doing.
Here are Forty Favorites of mine to help inspire you to refuel daily:
There are so many other nourishing things you can do – this is just a start to help you feel inspired to make daily self-care a priority in your life every single day.
Give it a try! Start making self-care a priority! You’ll be glad you did.
Just over a decade ago – due to mental illness – I lost everything that I held close to my heart: communication with my two teen aged daughters, my entire family, all of my friends, I lost my job, my cat, my housing and eventually all of my possessions, including my car. Some would say that it was as if aliens came in and took over my identity as well.
Prior to losing everything, as things were beginning to unravel, a good friend of mine advised me to write a gratitude journal – “list 3 things you are grateful for, every night before going to bed.” WOW! What a challenge, I thought. I could only write about one thing per day. I had a cup of tea, I entered into my journal. I had a long, hot bath, the next night. At that time, my two daughters were living with their Dad full-time and I could only see them while in the presence of a social worker with the Children’s Aid Society – once a week, for a couple of hours. I missed them terribly and I felt lost being unable to fulfill my Mom role. I was sad, angry and very lonely – dwelling upon my losses.
However, starting this practice of a gratitude journal set me up with a resiliency and positive frame of mind that has served me well ever since.
While living in a women’s shelter, I was tremendously grateful to have a roof above my head, thankful for the amazing meals they served every day, the fashionable clothes I received, the bed I laid in, the sewing machine to alter second hand clothes, the brand new shoes I was given, and the list goes on. While living in my car, I was grateful for my car! I appreciated The Well for providing me with a place to watch TV, shower and sleep during the day and for other women to socialize with.
I realized that no matter how much I was struggling, there was always someone else who was struggling even more. There was always something to be grateful for. And if you think of all of the little things, you will find that indeed there are always many things to be grateful for.
I still to this day practice and attitude of gratitude and I credit this practice for my happiness and feelings of abundance despite my many losses. By recognizing the numerous things we do have in life and not focusing on our setbacks or losses, we can feel more satisfied, fulfilled and happier!
Even among the greatest difficulties in life – you can always find things for which you are truly grateful.
Try it! Start writing a gratitude journal before going to bed – Jot down 3 different entries every night. It will grow on you!
Mighty M0use for Mental Health 