How asking for help changed my life and how you can too

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GUEST BLOG

By Laura Kidd

I’ve experienced the most amount of love, kindness, abundance, and miraculous events — when I learned to ask for help and open up to receive.

Asking for help isn’t easy. But admitting that we can’t and shouldn’t have to do everything on our own shows great courage and strength. And it will open up so many possibilities and opportunities. It takes togetherness to accomplish what we’ve come here to do.

To live fully, we need each other.

Needing help is not a weakness

It is actually a basic human need. Needing each other is a basic human need.

Why don’t we ask?

We’ve been conditioned to think that we must do everything on our own. We tend to think that asking for help means that we aren’t independent, not capable or successful. This simply isn’t true. We don’t look at CEOs as unsuccessful but they rely on people every single day.

We also may be struggling with issues of self-worth and this can be blocking us from asking for help. We must first acknowledge that we are WORTHY of help and we can help in return and be of service.

What happens when we don’t ask for help

We must then do everything ourselves. We are limited in what we can do. We only have a certain number of resources available to us alone. We may become overwhelmed with all of the things we need to do.

What happens when we ask for help

We are supported, guided, and literally DOUBLED in terms of what we can do, how much energy we have, what resources we have, and what kind of opportunities we have. We are then also giving the other person a GIFT. It feels GOOD to give. When we ask someone for help, we are giving them the opportunity to engage in helping and hence getting those good vibes.

Who can we ask for help?

Consider who you have in your life and the context of your relationships. Do they know me? Do they trust me? When you ask someone for help, consider what you can also give them in return, even later down the line. You’ve opened the door for an exchange to happen.

It also doesn’t even have to be a person specifically. We forget that we can also ask for help from the Universe, the Source, our Spirit Guides and God. Whichever spiritual language you speak and practice, you can ask for help from that source. You don’t even need to know what you’re asking for but you can ask for help.

How do we ask for help?

From a place of love, wanting to help others, of service, of being humble, of accepting and knowing that we are connected to everyone and that we are all here to help each other. Make it easy for the other person and be willing to also put in the work to find a solution.

Most forms of scarcity come from the ability to receive from others. Know that you are worthy of receiving help, help is available to you, and you also have so much to give in return. Everything you desire can be yours. All you have to do is ask.

Watch the full video by Laura Kidd, Spiritual Coach and Meditation Teacher:

Spirituality and Mental Health – Kelley Raab – Guest Blog

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Kelley is a psychotherapist, teacher and writer. She recently started a private practice specializing in Spiritually Integrated Therapy. Go to www.kelleyraab.ca to learn more.

Who Am I?

For me, both the question and the answer are to be found not in psychological assessment but in spiritual exploration. Psychologically, the question is a quagmire and points to the thorny problem of identity. Psychotherapist Mel Schwartz writes that “the more you seek to identify who you are, the more fragile you are likely to feel about yourself.” When faced with the question “Who Am I?” we may tend to think of various ways we define ourselves – such as husband, wife, mother, son, teacher, accountant, friend, etc. Or, we may describe ourselves using a mental health category, such as bipolar, schizophrenic, depressed, anxious, etc. We can easily see how such definitions pigeonhole us and inevitably fail to encompass the complexity of our lives.

Meditation teacher Matthew Flickstein recommends an exercise to address the question of “Who Am I?” First, list all the ways you have defined yourself over the years. The list may include anything, from career to relationships to phenotype or personality characteristics – short, tall, funny, serious, etc. Second, examine each self-definition to determine whether it exists as an absolute or merely in relation to some other characteristic. For example, I am short in relation to others around me being tall (particularly in North America). Sick is relative to being healthy. Our self-definitions, he states, prevent us from seeing the bigger picture of who we are, one that is non-conceptual; in essence, they restrict us from experiencing a deep knowing. And it is this non-conceptual knowing, according to Flickstein, that ultimately grants us spiritual freedom.

You may have heard the well-known phrase of Teilhard de Chardin: “We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” What does it mean to live as a “spiritual being?” Synonyms for “spiritual” might include “sacred,” “transcendent,” “connected,” “self-aware,” “at peace,” “accepting.” “Being,” on the other hand, is often viewed in contrast to “doing.” Should we spend more time praying, meditating, taking things as they come? Probably. “Being” is a verb, so the words “evolving,” “changing,” “growing” come to mind – process versus goal, the idea of life as a spiritual journey.

I recently celebrated my retirement from The Royal, where I worked in Spiritual and Cultural Care for over fourteen years. Prior to The Royal I was a religious studies professor, also for fourteen years. To lose or relinquish a way that we have defined ourselves is always a life adjustment. There is grieving involved. I am no longer a chaplain or a university professor. So, who am I?

Letting go of self-definitions, however unsettling, is an opportunity for spiritual realization and growth. We limit ourselves by societal categories such as sick, healthy, well, unwell – constructs that are accentuated by comparing ourselves to the way we used to be or to how we view others (who are comparing themselves to us!). I may no longer be employed as a professor or chaplain, yet I am a spiritual being who continues to seek peace, meaning and joy in her life. I am eternally connected to Universal Energy, God, the Cosmos, or a Higher Power.

And so are you. As 2020 continues to unfold, I invite you to ponder the question, “Who Am I?”

References:

Flickstein, Matthew. The Meditator’s Workbook: A Journey to the Center. Boston, Wisdom Publications, 2009.

Schwartz, Mel. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/shift-mind/201006/who-am-i). Retrieved January 9, 2020.

With many of us having time on our hands, it is a good opportunity to contemplate, “Who am I?”