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My Jasmine Plant

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By Anita Manley

I have finally come to accept that winter is not my friend. Once the sun starts setting in the late afternoon and the weather gets cold and grey here in Ottawa, I turn into a couch potato wrapped in my cozy blanket (handmade and gifted to me by my very kind knitting friends), get less exercise, sleep more and and eat too many baked goods. Last winter, mostly due to the ice on the sidewalks, and not being able to get out to walk my 10,000 steps per day (or so I said), I gained 15 pounds. That is a lot of weight. At my checkup, my doctor said, “The icy sidewalks are no excuse, Anita. You have a gym in your building!” Again this year, as soon as November came around, my fitness routine went out the window and I became more sedentary. Last month, I started using my Happy Lamp, and that gave me a bit more “get up and go” as my Mom would say. Yet still, the gym awaited me. I did get out for walks, but that is not enough.

A few months ago, I read an article that claimed: keeping a jasmine plant in your room would help to ward off depression and anxiety. So, I immediately called around to plant stores and put one on order. Last week, mine finally arrived and I went to pick it up. It is lovely and in full bloom. It sits in our bedroom and the fragrance fills the room. In fact, I can smell the beautiful floral scent as soon as I enter our apartment.

In the article http://www.life.shared.com , I read that it was determined, by researchers, that jasmine can help:

– Reduce anxiety and nervous tension
– Boost mood
– Improve cognitive performance and alertness
– Improve sleep quality
– Balance hormones
– Treat hot flashes and mood swings
– Increase libido

Using jasmine essential oils could help too.

I have found over the past week that I have been sleeping sounder and have an elevated mood. I am also more alert. This may be due to having the jasmine plant in my bedroom and using my happy lamp for 10 – 15 minutes a day. Or maybe it is due to the days gradually getting longer. I’m not sure.

It all is starting to help make winter more bearable for me… BUT, I have yet to make it to the gym!

A new month is just around the corner! Perhaps I will have energy for a rejuvinated routine too! Wish me luck.

As for today, I am lounging on the couch, covered with my warm and cozy blanket, with my laptop, responding to emails and writing my blog. This morning, I decided to bake chocolate chip muffins for breakfast… because, you can never really have too many chocolate chip muffins. RIGHT?

My beautifully fragrant jasmine plant.

Note: Please do not use this information in replacement of doctors recommendations or treatments. Consult with a doctor before changing or going off any medications.

Therapy Fish at The Royal

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By Anita Manley

Let me tell you a story about Billy and Bella – the Betta Fish.

For approximately two years, Billy the Betta, Volunteer Therapy Fish, swam around in his comfortable bowl on the counter of the Winter Garden Café at The Royal in Ottawa. Passersby enjoyed interacting with him, talking to him and encouraging him to chase their finger.

A couple of months before Christmas, Billy just didn’t seem to be himself. He wouldn’t interact with customers, wouldn’t follow their finger around the bowl. He was often very still. Something just wasn’t right! Then, a few weeks before Christmas, Billy and his bowl disappeared and a sign went up saying that Billy the Betta had gone on early Christmas vacation. We all thought he had died. But no, we were reassured that Billy was now blind and could not see his food, so he was getting some extra care that could not be provided at a busy café location. We were all sad and missed Billy.

Enter: Buy Nothing.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am very thrifty. I shop at second hand stores and usually pay less that $5 per item of clothing, shoes, boots, purses, etc. Well, a couple of years ago, I discovered an online Facebook Group called Buy Nothing. It is divided by neighbourhood. It is a group that encourages getting to know your neighbours through recycling anything in your home: clothing, games, tools, etc. You post things you want to give away for free, ask for things you are looking for, and respond to posts of items you want. I have benefited greatly from this group, receiving art, furniture, clothes, kitchen items, etc – all for free.

In early January of this year, someone posted on Buy Nothing that they were looking for a new home for their Betta Fish. Well, didn’t I explain all about Billy the Betta and how we would love a replacement Betta Volunteer Therapy Fish at The Royal. The lady agreed that The Royal should get this fish, along with bowl, food, and water cleaner. Very generous indeed. Her children were told that if they didn’t help take care of the fish, it would go to a new home. Needless to say, the kids didn’t help out so we profited from their inaction.

Once the new Betta was delivered to The Royal, we had to name her. Everyone kept saying how beautiful she was, so I suggested, Bella the Betta. Everyone thought the name filled the bill, so Bella she is. It took a couple of weeks for Bella to get acclimatized to her new surroundings in the Volunteer Office. So a sign went up in the café:

Like all Volunteers at The Royal, Bella had to go through proper screening.

Just the other day, Bella the Betta had completed her screening process and was ready to start her Volunteer work as a Therapy Fish at the Winter Garden Café. We are all so thrilled that she has arrived and she looks happy too.

Bella the Betta arriving for duty, complete with her Volunteer badge.

The Royal would like to thank the online Buy Nothing group for their generosity. Giving is truly magic!

Living a Life with Purpose

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By Anita Manley

We recently lost a good friend named Gillian. She passed away suddenly at the age of 75. Her celebration of life was the best I’ve ever attended and many others agreed. People were laughing and some dancing. Her longtime friends and musicians played some of her favourite songs as part of “The Band” — songs including Anthem by Leonard Cohen and Make You Feel My Love by Bob Dylan. The speakers were brilliant, telling funny stories of a woman who knew how to live life to the fullest.

Gillian lived a life with purpose. Although she was living on a low income as a former Social Worker and ESL teacher, she rented out her “downtown luxury loft” (note: a humble, well decorated one bedroom apartment in downtown Ottawa) during the winter months to travel to India, Thailand, Peru, Mexico, Nicaragua, to name a few. In these places, she lived modestly and volunteered to help out in orphanages and schools. She went on tours and paddling trips with long time friends with whom she laughed a lot. She loved her two sons, Simon and Oliver (Patti) and two grand-daughters fiercely. Sadly, Simon died tragically about 10 years ago in his forties. Gillian never got over the pain of this incident. She often gathered with Oliver and Patti and their two daughters on Sunday nights for dinner. She enjoyed tea, rather than coffee, and would always put the kettle on if you arrived for a visit.

I knew Gillian from our friend Jerry’s cottage, on Lac Brule, Quebec. She was a very kind person and you knew just by her views of the world and the way she talked that she had trained as a Social Worker. She was wise and very good with people, having a sense of the right thing to say. She knew how to connect and she had empathy. I felt comfortable sharing my story with her and she listened without judgment. I was kayaking with her just a few months ago, as she had perched her tent by the water’s edge where she still slept in a sleeping bag. While kayaking with Gillian (who had been paddling for years), I expressed my frustration at not being adept at paddling (or at least not as good as her). She said, “Now Anita, enough of this discouraging talk. Didn’t you tell me you were new to kayaking? I have been paddling my whole life! What I notice, is that you are better today than yesterday.” I will always remember those wise words… and try not to be so hard on future Anita.

Upon reflection of Gillian’s moving memorial service, I promptly decided that I want to be remembered for making a difference in peoples lives as did she. When I stated this to my good friend and neighbour, she said, “Anita, I think you are well on your way.” I do feel as though I am making a difference in the lives of women at The Royal, and at Cornerstone Housing for Women. I guess I just hope that at my celebration of life, people are laughing and dancing and remembering a life well lived, too. Just like dear Gillian.

Rest in Peace, my friend.

My fashionable, bohemian friend, Gillian.

5 Mental Health Benefits of Practising Meditation

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Guest Blogger Laura Kidd is a Kundalini yoga and meditation teacher from Ottawa who is now living and teaching at JOY Yoga in London, UK. A passionate advocate for mental health and well-being, she also runs her own lifestyle blog, The Fashion Kidd.

I first started practising kundalini yoga at a time when I was also struggling with anxiety and panic attacks. Yoga helped me pay less attention to what was going on in my head and get in tune with my body and spirit. I learned breathing techniques that helped me deal with panic attacks and over time, my anxiety decreased. I didn’t question exactly why it was helping because the relief was enough for me.

Over time, I began to practise more and more and my curiosity grew. I decided to study Kundalini yoga more closely by enrolling in teacher training. This is when I learned about the biochemical, energetic, and physical changes that take place in the brain while practicing meditation. I became fascinated by the power of meditation and yoga on our mental health.

Here are 5 mental health benefits of practising meditation:

  1. Meditation can help you relate to yourself in a positive way

All forms of meditation involve some type of positive affirmations about yourself, the people around you, and even animals and nature. The great yogis who passed on this ancient wisdom knew very well the power of the mind to manifest reality and they’ve tapped into this power by teaching students of yoga and meditation how to have positive thoughts. By using visualization techniques such as picturing yourself healed, happy, and doing what you dream of doing, your mind will focus on this image and with repeated focus, it will become reality.

  1. It will make you feel less alone

Meditation provides the perfect opportunity to take the time to sit with ourselves and realise the beauty of our own company. Over time, we become more comfortable and happy to be in our own company as we become more aware of our own divine intelligence, grace, and limitless ability. When we relate to ourselves and the world in a unified way, we feel less alone.

  1. It calms anxiety

Meditation has been the activity that helps me deal with anxiety the most. It helps me come into the present moment and focus on what is happening right now, instead of worrying about the future or the past. When I focus on the present, I can’t be anxious. Meditation is the only activity that reduces blood lactate, a marker of stress and anxiety.

The calming hormones melatonin and serotonin are increased, as cortisol (the stress hormone) production is decreased.

  1. Breathing techniques can change your mood in 3 minutes

The speed of the breath dictates the speed of our thoughts. So, when I’m having chaotic swirling thoughts, or it feels like there are thousands happening at once, I remember to breathe slower and deeper, and in just mere minutes, I feel better. When we practice breathing techniques, we’re activating our Parasympathetic nervous system while our Sympathetic nervous system (anxiety/fight or flight response system) takes a break. Our Parasympathetic nervous system is a more relaxed, softer state, and slows the heart rate.

  1. It helps you sleep better

Whenever I have trouble falling asleep, its usually because I’ve had a busy or stressful day and when my head hits the pillow, it may be the first moment of the day I have to myself, in silence. My phone also plays a major role here. The research has shown that as our phones have become a bigger part of our lives, so have sleep disorders. There are many adjustments to make with our phones but meditation before bed helps immensely. It’s time to myself to sort through and reflect on the day, and also to practice the breathing techniques known for getting our minds into a sleepy state. Research shows that 75 percent of insomniacs were able to sleep normally when they meditated.

Sources: All statistics are from ‘Meditation as Medicine’ by Dharma Singh Khalsa, M.D.

My friend and guest blogger, Laura Kidd. Follow her at “The Fashion Kidd”.

My New Happy Lamp!

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By Anita Manley

Years ago, around 2005, when I was younger, working full time and was a half-time parent, my psychiatrist suggested to me that I purchase a S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder) lamp. I had all the symptoms. Once the time changed in the Fall and the daylight hours decreased, I was more moody, irritable and had a hard time finding the motivation to do daily tasks. She described how this lamp would help me and how to use it, but that (at the time) it was quite expensive. Being the only income earner in my household, I decided against it, for the cost and also just the sheer effort it would take to go find the right one. Even the thought of adding something else to my already rushed morning routine made me cringe. So, I never followed up on her suggestion.

Fast forward to November, 2019, and it was really noticeable to me, as soon as the clocks fell back in time, my mood and energy levels slipped drastically. Suddenly, I had “no get up and go” as my Mother often said about me. Normally, I am a very ambitious, industrious person, so it is very difficult to feel as though I had no energy to do anything, and even more challenging to hear someone complain about me having no energy to do the simplest of tasks. At times, I just cannot will myself to get off the couch! This has happened to me often over the years. I think I was on high alert this year as I had gained 15 pounds over the winter last year. My family physician said to me at my last appointment, after reading my weight in my chart “I could understand if you couldn’t afford a gym membership, but you have a gym in your building, so what is stopping you from exercising?” So I thought about that this year, and really paid attention to what was preventing me from exercising. It was my mood and lack of motivation (which could also be interpreted as “laziness” by others).

On the very last day of November, 2019, I was at the best holiday party of the year — a knitting party — and a friend mentioned to a few of us that she had this SAD lamp that she was no longer using if anyone wanted to borrow it. A couple of weeks later, I decided to take her up on her offer. Last Friday, I got my lamp and my friend said it was a gift that I could keep. BONUS!

On Saturday morning, I awoke at 7 am to a dark, dreary, rainy, late Fall day — the kind of day that would usually have me in a deep funk. I set up my lamp, turned it on, ate my breakfast and had my morning coffee — et voila — after a mere 10 minutes of broad spectrum lighting, I felt like I had some fire under me! I had energy that I would NEVER usually have on such a dark day. I was thrilled. It has been doing its job ever since — albeit, today is only day 3, I am much happier and have much more energy. Although I still have yet to make it to the gym, I feel my HAPPY lamp is working.

So, how does a SAD lamp work? “The light produced by the light box simulates the sunlight that’s missing during the darker winter months. It’s thought the light may improve SAD by encouraging your brain to reduce the production of melatonin (a hormone that makes you sleepy) and increase the production of serotonin (a hormone that affects your mood).” –Wikipedia

The SAD lamp I was gifted is a VERILUX and is top of the charts as far as advised lamps. (NOTE: This is in no way a paid product endorsement. I have no connection with the company at all.)

I would highly recommend trying one if, like me, you suffer the winter blues. And, after a quick Google search, I noticed the price for these lamps has dropped significantly from the early 2000’s.

WARNING: I just heard from a good friend that if you have bipolar disorder, this lamp may trigger hypomania. Consult with a psychiatrist. It should be OK with just 10 -15 minutes a day, but please do not take my recommendations over a doctors recommendation. I am not a doctor. I do have bipolar, so I will keep you posted.

My new to me Happy lamp! I am so excited it is working for me.
Seasonal Affective Disorder

Setting Personal Boundaries

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By Anita Manley

It is always so important to have healthy relationships where clear boundaries are set. Firstly, know yourself, your limits, your values and morals — these are the cornerstones to setting boundaries. Boundaries are also about self-esteem. Knowing when to say NO, or ENOUGH! Or even before that point… saying what you will or will not do.

This time of year can be very stressful with family gatherings, work functions and parties with friends. Often, the pressures are greater because we feel obliged to say yes to everything in order not to make waves. Whether it is saying yes to a party that we really do not want to go to, or saying yes to a family member just because you know there will “be hell to pay if you say NO”. But it is so important around this time of year and always, to set clear limits and boundaries in order to have happy and healthy relationships. If your boundaries are repeatedly not respected, then perhaps it is time to rid yourself of that relationship — or turn a close friendship into an acquaintance that you see only occasionally. If it is a family member you can distance yourself from that person and not commit to doing any favours for them, for example.

If possible, it is important to start setting boundaries early on in the relationship — whether it is raising children, a budding friendship or a blossoming romantic relationship. Remember, it is never too late to start implementing personal boundaries and to show some self-respect.

Not long ago, I had the very difficult task of setting clear boundaries with someone very dear to me. There was some really negative and abusive language used towards me and I just put my foot down and said I would not accept that kind of language or disrespect. If you want me to help you do X,Y,Z, then you will have to show me more appreciation, respect, and stop the abusive language. Very soon afterwards (and after some self-reflection on their part), it worked, and our relationship has been much more solid and mutually respectful ever since.

I remember someone saying to me once: you teach people how to treat you. That is why self-esteem is so important. Someone with high self-esteem will expect to be treated with respect and will set clear boundaries with everyone in their circle.

I have many examples in my life of how setting boundaries is paramount to developing healthy relationships. I will not share them with you, however, to protect the innocent! I will say, though: it is so important to do it as individuals and equally important to develop a united front as parents or partners. Do not be afraid to say no, or I will do this but not that. Or give specific time limits that you will be available for. Be clear and concise with your expectations and limitations. And stick to them. Do not waver. Be firm.

”Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.” —Brené Brown

So if your relationships are not as happy or healthy as you would like them to be, start setting clear personal boundaries. You are worth it!

STOP! Enough!

Be Kind.

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By Anita Manley

When I say Be Kind, I am not talking about only being kind to others, but also, Be Kind to yourself.

It is so true that we do not know what goes on in other peoples lives and even if people look great with a smile on their face, they may be fighting a battle you know nothing about. The same goes for YOU! You may look good, all put together with a fake smile on your face when the reality is you are feeling burnt out and struggling with depression and anxiety.

So, BE KIND, first to yourself by doing some self-care which I talked about in a previous blog posting. Re-read that list and see if you can check off a few this week. I know I have been feeling a little low energy lately and find it hard to get out of bed, and quite frankly it is difficult to smile. So I have increased my exercise (biking and walking) and I am knitting, baking and cooking more often as I find all of these things relaxing and they all improve my wellness. My mood is lifting gradually, with a lot of effort.

BE KIND to others as well. Especially to those who are unkind. After you have taken care of yourself, reach out to others. Invite a neighbour over for tea. SMILE at a stranger. In fact, SMILE at everyone. (It will make you feel better too! It really does.) Offer your seat up to someone on city transit. Hold the door open for someone. Send a text or make a call to a friend/ family member who is struggling, just to check in. Take in gently used clothes/ purses/ shoes to a place in need. This holiday season, I am baking my Mom’s Scottish Shortbread for friends and family as everyone loves it and it is a family tradition. I will bake with my daughter, Julia, as well (a gluten free version of her Gramma’s shortbread). Make jam or pickled beets or other preserves and share with friends/ family. Give a gift card (coffee shop/ grocery store) to a person sitting out on the street panhandling. I often offer a drive to some friends/ family who don’t have a car to help them get to out of the way places. Write a note to an elderly relative or, if possible, visit them. If you can, give some change to someone who is short to pay for a coffee or parking. I know strangers have done this for me in the past and it really made my day! Be kind to your servers, always. Be sure to remember your pleases and thank yous – they go a long way! Also, try to be generous tipping your server if service is great – servers get paid less than minimum wage and rely on tips to pay their bills.

There are many ideas of how to be kind to others. The important thing to remember, is Be Kind to yourself first…treat yourself like the rock star you are… then go out and change the world with one random act of kindness at a time.

Be Kind.

Suicide Intervention

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By Anita Manley

A couple of weekends ago, I took an intensive and emotionally exhausting training session for suicide intervention called ASIST – Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training. I am now certified.

I did not write a post last Monday, November 11 (Remembrance Day in Canada) as I was recovering from this suicide intervention training.Two full days, and I was wiped! I slept a lot and didn’t get out of my PJ’s on Monday until 4:30 pm when I absolutely had to go out and pick up something to cook for dinner that night. But, it was definitely worth it. (Please note: I did watch the Remembrance Day ceremony on CBC and stopped for 2 minutes of silence at 11 am in honour of all those who have fought for our freedom).

Did you know that in Canada, the reported suicides for one year is 4,157 (does not include MAID – medical assistance in dying). And unreported suicides are 5 – 25 % more than this number. Suicide behaviour is 40 – 100 times greater than the number of suicides. And each suicide behaviour affects a few or a very large number of people. Given these facts, I believe my ASIST training will come in very useful, perhaps by helping to save more lives than with my CPR training – based on the staggering numbers. It is not lost on me that I am discussing suicide numbers along with mentioning our veterans, as I am not sure of the numbers but sadly, we have lost many veterans to suicide.

The training itself, I would highly recommend. It is put on by Living Works http://www.livingworks.net and was started in Alberta, Canada more than 20 years ago. I was trained by excellent Instructors from The Royal in Ottawa.

It is designed to meet the needs of a person at risk of suicide using a three pronged model of “I care, I understand and I’ll help”. By the end of the weekend, I felt much better equipped to help with suicidal behaviours and to be able to intervene successfully. This can only help me in the peer support work that I do. Also, many people contact me now to ask for help when their friend or loved one is in crisis, since they are aware that I work in mental health.

The most surprising point to me was that asking a person if they were thinking of suicide and if they had a plan were good questions to ask. These questions do not plant the seed of suicidal thoughts but enable you to find out where they are at, so that you can help.

ASIST training is taught all over, so look up Living Works to find a course that you can take. You may save a life as a result.

The Importance of Setting Goals!

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By Anita Manley

Setting goals and accomplishing them, has been a very important part of my recovery, and still is. There is nothing like putting a check mark next to something on your goal list and thinking – next! What a feeling of pride and accomplishment which helps with feelings of self-worth and self-esteem.

Years ago, I learned about S.M.A.R.T. goal setting. I now use this to attain all my goals, no matter how big or small.

S – Specific

M – Measurable

A – Achievable

R – Realistic

T – Timely

In the early days of recovery, I remember I had a daily goal of getting up, getting dressed, making my bed (of course 🙂 ) and getting out of my home by 10 am. Lately, my goals are larger and more challenging. Currently, a couple of my goals are to lose 30 pounds and to workout 5 days a week.

To break them down into S.M.A.R.T. goals:

S – lose 30 pounds

M – weigh in once a week

A – I have done it before, I can achieve this again.

R – yes, can lose 3 pounds per month

T – by August 15, 2020

And Goal number 2:

S – workout

M – 5 times per week, heart rate up to 120

A – I am in shape and can achieve this

R – yes, have time during week days

T – 30 minutes per day

You get the idea.

Setting S.M.A.R.T. goals makes it more likely you will achieve them.

“If you set goals and go after them with all the determination you can muster, your gifts will take you places that will amaze you. ” – Les Brown

Go for it! What’s holding you back?

SMART Goals!

Why Women’s Mental Health?

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By Anita Manley

I volunteer as a peer facilitator in the Women’s Mental Health Program at The Royal in Ottawa, ON, Canada. I am always amazed by people, even women, who ask: “What is so different about women’s mental health?”

To answer, I am going to quote my good friend and Lead, Women’s Mental Health at The Royal, Ann-Marie O’Brien:

“Sex and gender are important influencers of health ,illness, treatment and recovery. Sex refers to the biological assignment at birth – male, female, intersex. Gender is the socially constructed meaning; man,woman, trans ,non-binary .  Failing to consider the impact of sex and gender serves neither women or men and is particularly harmful for women :
Twice as many women as men are diagnosed with a depressive disorder.
70% of new Alzheimer’s patients will be women.
Eating disorders-the most lethal mental illness almost exclusively effects women.”

“Social factors influence experiences of illness and present additional barriers to accessing treatment:
The fastest growing homeless population is women over 60 in Ottawa.
Women make 82 cents for every dollar a man makes.
Women are more likely to be victims of gender based violence.
Trans folks experience unique barriers due to stigma and lack of awareness of healthcare providers.”

“In Canada age has trumped sex and gender as the critical factor, and receives more funding. Because of this we are missing really important information and prolonging suffering for women.”

So, now you know why women’s mental health is so important. I am so proud of the work we do at The Royal. I see first-hand, many women benefiting from our peer-support programs.